There are a lot of examples of this principle I'd like to tell you about, but the one that's been on my mind for about three weeks now -- which tells you something about how often I'm able to get around to posting -- is our whole experience around sleeping.
As you may recall from our postings from a year and a half ago, sleep was not Jonah's strong suit. If you were to ask us what most worried us about baby #2, the answer in two words would have been "sleep deprivation." So when Hava was born, we decided we'd try to do a few things around sleep differently. One of them -- which I'll blame largely on Ruth Ann's subscription to "Mothering" magazine, your #1 source for organic hemp baby products and homespun advice on how to be a better earth mother (or father) -- was to have a go at co-sleeping.
For disciples of Dr. Sears and "Mothering" magazine, co-sleeping is more or less the only way to go. And there are, in fact, a lot of reasons that co-sleeping makes good sense. It's a natural approach in the animal world, and it's an approach that's worked well for human beings for a long time, and still works well for many now. Yes, you have to pay some attention to safety issues. But, on paper anyway, it seems to offer a chance for a much-improved sleep experience for everyone: Baby sleeps better when she can smell and sense mom and dad nearby. Mom and dad sleep better when they don't have to stagger across the room (or house) at 2 a.m. to comfort crying baby.
On the other hand, we may not be the best candidates for co-sleeping. There is, I'm told, a species of couples who like to sleep cuddled in each other's arms, sharing warmth and space. We, on the other hand, are people who like our space. Cuddling before bedtime is swell -- we like it as much as the next pair -- but when it comes time to sleep, it's all about "roll over and give me some space." We'd sleep in a California king, if it weren't for the fact our bedroom itself is about the size of a California king. I could continue, but I'm guessing you probably get the picture by now.
Our natural handicaps aside, co-sleeping actually did turn out to work pretty well for us during the first few weeks. Then the natural order of things started to re-assert itself. Ruth Ann is apparently a much lighter sleeper around babies -- she wakes with the slightest noise from the baby. And, in case you don't know, sleeping babies are plumb noisy. Whatever the phrase "sleeping like a baby" is supposed to refer to, it doesn't refer to the fact that they're quiet sleepers. Hava squawks and rustles her way through the night, and not infrequently she has pleasant little grunting spells to boot. Hava doesn't necessarily wake during all this noise (and, much to Ruth Ann's annoyance, neither do I). But Ruth Ann would lie awake at night, accumulating resentment toward her noisy daughter and snoring husband. And most of the time she'd end up nursing Hava to quiet her back down, which meant both Hava and Ruth Ann would have their sleep cycles interrupted.
We tried a variety of steps: moving Hava to a bassinet next to the bed, switching sides of the bed, moving the bassinet farther away, etc. Eventually, in a fit of desperation, Ruth Ann resorted to sleeping on the couch in the living room. Yes, un-huh, we do get that it's ironic. But we all slept better then -- Ruth Ann woke less, and woke Hava less. And, wonder of wonders, after a week or two of separated sleep, Hava began sleeping through the night!
We've now had nearly two weeks of fairly consistent sleeping through the night. Hava is in a bassinet. Ruth Ann has returned to the bedroom. Jonah, in the room across the hall, is probably waking more than Hava at this point. But given our experiences with baby #1, we can scarcely believe that we're getting as much sleep as we are.
It seems like there should be a moral to this story, but I'm not exactly sure what it is. Clearly what we did was not what Dr. Sears and the editors of "Mothering" magazine had in mind when they talked about co-sleeping. But it was done with love and good intentions, and it worked for us. And I guess you could say that's what this parenting thing is all about: love, good intentions and figuring out what works for your family. In any event, it was the best we could do -- and, for Hava and Jonah's sake, hopefully our best is good enough.
Anyway, enough with the words, we know what you came for. Here's the latest:
